Matt Read, Weblog

Speed Up FireFox

2007-04-06T14:58:24-04:00

I was over on Kenneth’s site today, and he had a tweak there to speed up FireFox. Well being as though FF was kinda slow for me, I tried it out, and HOLLY SHIT! FF is now the fastest browser I have ever used. You gotta go there and do the FF tweak, you’ll be glad you did.

I am on Linux and it worked the same way for me. Some of the config values were not there for me, so I just created new ones. Go now! Go on, get outta here!

A Haircut

2007-04-06T14:58:24-04:00

I went in to town today to get a hair cut, thought I should get this bushy thing cut, and ended up going to some “fancy” place that smelled funny, kinda like those sissy stores with the candles. So I go inside and theres this little artsie sitting there,

artsie: “hi”
Matt: “hey, hows it going?”
artsie: “good, what can I do for you?”
Matt: “I need a haircut”
artsie: “do you have an appointment?”
Matt: “nope”
artsie: “well, you need an appointment to get a haircut”
Matt: “alright, can I make an appointment?”
artsie: “sure, when would you like it for?”
Matt: “right now”
(the artsie pauses, looks at me, looks at his sheet)
artsie: “well, I guess I can fit you in now”

As I was sitting there waiting and thinking that I’m never coming back here again, this drop dead gorgeous blond walks out and says “Matt Read”. I wipe the drool from my face, close my mouth, and say, “hee … cough … here”. Man she was hot, I’ve already made another appointment in two weeks with her. I love that place.

Hey Dude, What's a Jibby?

2007-04-06T14:58:24-04:00

Many people have asked me question, so I’m gonna tell everyone now, here, and nowhere else. Back in the day there was this small kid who lived down on sunnyside street, right across from Carleton University. He lived in a shit hole of a house, and he was my friend.

One day, we were sitting around smoking a joint, if you don’t know what a joint is stop here, and he said “pass the reef stick”. I looked at him puzzled. He repeated “the reef stick” he paused, “the joint”. “OH” I said. He referred to a joint as a “reef stick” for couple more weeks, then it became “the party roll” for a very short time, then about six other nick names. He finally settled on “Jibby”, and we all liked it.

So as time went on I noticed that this small kid never had any money or weed of his own. He was always smoking mine. I confronted him:

Matt: “hey, why don’t you ever buy your own weed?”
Kid: “cause I don’t have any money.”
Matt: “what about that student loan you got?”
Kid: “I spent it on the beer making machine in the basement.”
Matt: “Oh yah, good beer.”
Kid: “Yah.”
(short pause as we think about the beer.)
Matt: ” I don’t think I should give you anymore of my weed, until you pay me back that twenty bucks I loaned you.”
Kid: “ah man, com’on, I’l get you the money when I visit my Mom on the weekend.”
Matt: “I don’t know, it’s been awhile now. And you never have any weed.”
Kid: “dude, the Matt Man, the… Big Jibby, you know I’m good for it.”
Matt: “yah, I’m just shitin ya.”

And from then on I have been called the Big Jibby. Why the Big Jibby? Cause I was always the one with the weed. So that’s my story of the small kid on sunnyside. (Rock on Jim!)

A New Visitor Counter

2007-04-06T14:58:24-04:00

I just finished moding and installing a new visitor counter that you see at the bottom of this page. The new one uses a MySQL database to keep track of the hits as the old flat-file one kept losing data. It would go from 1308 to 1197 etc… So this new one shouldn’t loose any data. I’ll post up the script in the tweaks section soon.

Happy Long Weekend

2007-04-06T14:58:24-04:00

It’s the August long weekend here in Canada, and I’m so cool that I’m writing to my blog and playing on my computer. On Friday we went out to Broadways in Stittsville, then over to Grace O’Maleys. they were pretty boring as everyone has gone to the cottage for the weekend. So we went over to O’Connors in Kanata, again pretty boring and the Band wasn’t very good. So tonight were going down to the Market to hit some bars down there, and there’s always Le Pink Panther over in Hull to fall back on. :-P

Wendnesday, Back From Golf Again

2007-04-06T14:58:24-04:00

I think I’m gonna join the PGA. I just shot an 89 in golf at the Madawaska. It’s the first time I have ever broken 90 so I am pretty proud of my self right now. And if any of you can shoot better than me, screw off, cause I’m tha man dog. Well that’s it.

Fun With Yahoo!

2007-04-06T14:58:24-04:00

I was bored again so I had some fun with Yahoo. I searched for words and clicked the first site it came up with. Heres the results.

idiot: http://www.pagetutor.com/idiot/idiot.html

retard: http://www.menace.com/retard.html

you tha man dog: http://www.kindermuse.com/km_pages/dog.html

matt read: http://www.mattread.com/ :)

WOW, that was boring!

TimeTravel_0, a fraud

2007-04-06T14:58:24-04:00

TimeTravel_0 was a prank. John Titor was never really on #wordpress. Masquerade uncovered the prankster, and you can read all about it on his site:

http://false-hopes.com/index.php?p=16

Just Got Back From Golf

2007-04-06T14:58:24-04:00

Well, I just got back form golfing at Les Vieux Moulins over in Aylmer. I shot a … well I sucked. Went to the Collenade afterwards and had pizza and beer. I’m kinds drunk right now so if my engrish is a bit off that’s why. Anyway there was this twosome behind us, we were a foursome, and they wanted to play through us and we told them NO. If your going to play golf then get four people as the rules of the course say. And if you don’t have four then don’t expect to play through any one cause your an idiot. So get four goddamn people to play with and stop fucking complaining.

In more golf news my uncle Peter got a hole in one the other at the Lombard Glen. His friend went first with an eight iron, and went over the green. So Peter switch to a nine iron and landed on the front of the green and it rolled and rolled and BAM, right in the hole.

Oh and those goddamn teachers, Peter is a retired teacher, are so fucking lucky with their pentions. It’s like they one the cash for life lottery or something. I think I want to be a teacher, paid a full salary and get four months of. Screw a donkey all you teachers and stop complaining about your salary!!!

UK "ICE" Hockey

2007-04-06T14:58:24-04:00

Well, yes Britian does have “ICE” Hockey. Not much, but they do. And to all who call it “ICE” Hockey, as NuclearMoose said:

Dude, there is ONLY hockey on ice…all the rest is something else

Here’s the link to the “Official Site of “ICE” Hockey UK”
http://www.icehockeyuk.co.uk/

The Engineer Anthem

2007-04-06T14:58:24-04:00

Godiva was a lady who through Coventry did ride
To show to all the villagers her lovely bare white hide;
The most observant villager, an Engineer of course,
Was the only one to notice that Godiva rode a horse.

Chorus:
We are, we are, we are, we are the Engineers
We can, we can, we can, we can demolish forty beers.
Drink rum, drink rum, drink rum, drink rum and come along with us,
For we don’t give a damn for any damn man who don’t give a damn for us.

My father was a miner in the northern Malamute,
My mother was a mistress of a house of ill repute,
The last time I saw the both, these words rang in my ears-
Get out of here you s.o.b. and join the Engineers.

The army and the navy boys went out to have some fun
Down to the local tavern where the fiery liquors run;
But all they found were empties for the Engineers had come
And traded all their instruments for gallon kegs of rum.

Sir Francis Drake and all his ships set out for Calais Bay,
They heard the Spanish rum fleet was heading out that way.
But the Engineers had beat them by a night and half a day
And although as drunk as hooligans, you still could hear them say…

An artsie and an Engineer found a gallon can.
Said the artise, “Match me drink for drink and see if you’re a man.”
They took three drinks, the artsie fell, his face was turning green;
But the Engineer drank on and said, “It’s only gasoline.”

Venus is a statue made entirely of stone,
She didn’t wear a fig leaf, she was naked as a bone.
On noticing her arms were gone, an Engineer discoursed,
“The darned thing’s busted concrete and should’ve been reinforced!”

So now you’ve heard our story and you know we’re Engineers.
We love to love our women and we love to drink our beers.
So come and have a sip with us, we’ll drink to anyone from far and near
‘Coz we’re a helluva helluva helluva helluva helluva ENGINEER!!!

I'm Bored

2007-04-06T14:58:24-04:00

I told you earlier that I was going to the Blues Fest on Friday, but all my wussy ass friends were sick. So I stayed at home Friday and worked on my site. I spent alot of time chatting in #wordpress channel on irc.freenode.net. We were talking about strippers, and a bunch of other weird shit. But I’m glad to tell you that I’m now the dictator of Australia and New Zealand. We will soon be invading Aerica, and overthrowing the UN. After that, on to Canada! :)

Hail, BigJibby

Wide Ass

2007-04-06T14:58:24-04:00

I heard this joke on Chez 106 (106.1 FM), a local radio station here in Ottawa, on their morning show with Doc and Woody.

A Husband and Wife are outside one day. the Husband is cooking on the BBQ and the Wife is bent over working in the flower garden. The Husband says to his wife, “honey your ass is almost as wide as this grill”. The Wife ignores him. A little while latter, the Husband gets out his measuring tape, measures the grill, measures the Wifes ass, and says, “Yup just as wide as the grill”. The Wife ignores him again. Latter that night the husband is fooling around in bed, and the Wife is ignoring him. So the Husband says, “com’on honey!”. The Wife rolls over and says, “you must be crazy if you think I’m gonna fire up the grill for a little weiner like that”.
(source: Chez 106 Morning Show)

Ottawa Blues Festival

2007-04-06T14:58:24-04:00

The Ottawa Blues Fest is on this week, with a lot of great names; Brian Adams, Colin James, Blue Rodeo, and the list goes on. This Friday (July 16th) I will be going to see Blue Rodeo play on the main stage. I hope the weather cooperates, and the beer goes down good, cause I’m looking forward to a good time. Ahhh, I can’t wait to see all those topless chick’s on Sparks Street.

SuSE Linux 9.1 Professional

2007-04-06T14:58:24-04:00

Well I haven’t be posting lately because I’ve been busy changing Distros from Mandrake 10.0 Community to SuSE 9.1 Pro. You may remember a recent post about free SuSE 9.1 pro I wrote. Well I finally got it in the mail, and now have it installed.

The one thing I miss from Mandrake is the MCC (Mandrake Control Center). But YaST (Yet Another Setup Tool) is very good, and detected my sound card and TV card, which Mandrake didn’t do. I would have to say though, I like SuSE a little better than Mandrake.

Strawberry Shortcake

2007-04-06T14:58:24-04:00

MMMMMM, I love Strawberry Shortcake, Probably the best desert ever. I’m eating one right know, don’t you wish you had one! That sweet taste of strawberries, with creamy whip cream and some soft, moist tea biscuits. I’m taking a bite right now, just melts in your mouth, MMMMM, strawberries, whipcream …

Ahhhh, time for another. You know you really should try this it’s excellent, superb, fantastic, BEAUTIFUL. Hands off, get your own!

Happy Independence Day

2007-04-06T14:58:24-04:00

Happy Independence Day to all you Yankees out there. I’m Canadian so I won’t be celebrating, but I hope you all have a great day.

Canada Day

2007-04-06T14:58:24-04:00

Canada Day is coming up tommorrow, July 1^st, and I plan on getting as drunk as blind man without a walking stick and no shoes. We’re going downtown Ottawa for the day on Sparks Street. We’re going to try to hit as many bars as possible throughout the day, then go watch some fireworks at night. So if you don’t hear from me in a couple of days I’m probably lying in a ditch somewhere around Ottawa.

Vote for MaryJane

2007-04-06T14:58:24-04:00

Well, today is voting day here in Canada. It’s the Federal election for all you non Canadians out there. One thing that I like about one of the parties this year, The Green Party, is the fact that they want to legalize Marijuana. I’m all for that one, but I don’t really want a bunch of pot heads running our country.

Anyway I hope all you Canadians out there voted. Because if you didn’t then you can’t complain, so SHUT YOUR MOUTH BIATCH

Free SuSE Linux 9.1 Professional

2007-04-06T14:58:24-04:00

I was just at KentVille, and found this post with a link to Novell to get a bunch of Linux software for free. Here’s the list from Novell:

With over 10GB of fully-functional software, this tool will help you test and evaluate Linux products from Novell in your home test lab.

SUSE LINUX Standard Server 8.0

SUSE LINUX 9.1 Professional

Ximian Desktop 2.0

Ximian Red Carpet

Novell Linux Services 1.0

Novell GroupWise for Linux 1.0

and more…
(source: Novell )

I have just ordered mine and will let you know when or if it comes in. Now, quick, what are waiting for, go get it.

Freebies from KentVille

UPDATE: I have just received the following email from Novell, letting me know that my free software is on the way. So it really is true, now go get yours.

I just wanted to let you know that the free Tech resource kit you have ordered has been shipped and you should be receiving it soon.
Brent Sharp
Novell Customer Communities